I really wish to live long. Faced with this question, I remember having stuck onto this view for as long as I can remember. I want to travel far and wide, explore the world and its people, live a normal life, imbibe a lot of cultures, learn a few languages – something like a global citizen. And in the fag end, come down to Kerala and grow old. Although I am aware that death is not something you could really wish to have a control on, I would still not change my opinion on the same.
But having said that, probably the only deviation would be the awareness of the imminent tragedy striking any moment. Yes, I live with the fear and the really bad possibility of not living to see the next sunrise. For, the desires for a long life are merely desires – idealizations that I wish turned true. Being aware of this fact, I have always realized that its best to live everyday as your last day. And I was happy to know that Steve
Jobs thought of it the same way too, though the majority of us got to know about it post his death.
I might not be doing the best things in this process of living in anticipation since I have modeled them on my preferences and likes rather than what is hip and happening. I have abstained from drinking alcohol (even after coming here, where beer is cheaper than water) neither do I smoke/do drugs, one of the reasons for which could be this kind of a thought process. You might tell me to go out, explore the world and more importantly to have a life, but I like it this way. Things I love as of today (Neha Nair and Outcast Vocals, a few people in my chat lists, family, sports and a few sitcoms & movies here n there) are very few and much of the day is a repetition of the previous.
But, trust me!!! Life is so different when you live each day as your last day.